I've realized lately that I really hate the word "should". I'd love "should" to just disappear from the English language altogether.
Why? Because "should" is a judgement and I'm tired of hearing and feeling it.
Hearing/thinking/feeling that you "should" do something generally means you really don't want to, and are only doing it because someone or something else thinks it needs to be done or is the right thing to do.
If you try to think or feel the way you "should" about a situation, you may not actually deal with your actual thoughts and feelings. You may start feeling that your own thoughts or feelings are bad or wrong, because it's they're not the thoughts and feelings that you "should" have. You may wonder what's wrong with you, because you don't feel the way everyone thinks you "should". You may fake it...pretend that you're reacting in the generally accepted way...but inside, you're berating yourself because you're either too weak to be ok with something that's "not that bad", or too cold-hearted to be upset by something that "should" have you in tears.
Now, behavior is different than feelings, but even acting the way you "should" can be exhausting, and ultimately confusing. Who decides what we "should" do? What if two different sources are telling you that you "should" do opposite things? How do you decide?
"Should" is a cheat. It meant we don't have to think for ourselves, or feel for ourselves. We can numbly go through life, just doing what we "should".
There are needs, and there are wants, and those are both worth paying attention to and acting on.
I'm sick to death of "should".
Why? Because "should" is a judgement and I'm tired of hearing and feeling it.
Hearing/thinking/feeling that you "should" do something generally means you really don't want to, and are only doing it because someone or something else thinks it needs to be done or is the right thing to do.
If you try to think or feel the way you "should" about a situation, you may not actually deal with your actual thoughts and feelings. You may start feeling that your own thoughts or feelings are bad or wrong, because it's they're not the thoughts and feelings that you "should" have. You may wonder what's wrong with you, because you don't feel the way everyone thinks you "should". You may fake it...pretend that you're reacting in the generally accepted way...but inside, you're berating yourself because you're either too weak to be ok with something that's "not that bad", or too cold-hearted to be upset by something that "should" have you in tears.
Now, behavior is different than feelings, but even acting the way you "should" can be exhausting, and ultimately confusing. Who decides what we "should" do? What if two different sources are telling you that you "should" do opposite things? How do you decide?
"Should" is a cheat. It meant we don't have to think for ourselves, or feel for ourselves. We can numbly go through life, just doing what we "should".
There are needs, and there are wants, and those are both worth paying attention to and acting on.
I'm sick to death of "should".
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