Sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes are intentional acts which can put other people at risk. "Mistake" doesn't necessarily mean "accident", but it can mean "really bad choice".
When someone makes one of those mistakes, you have a choice to make. You can be hurt. You can get mad. You can turn your back on that person, shunning them and removing them from your life. You can forgive them and help them through whatever it was that caused the mistake. You can teach them a better choice.
Candlesticks.
Near the beginning of the book/musical/movie Les Miserables, the main character, Jean Valjean, is in a very tight place. Recently released from prison, no one will hire him or give him a chance. A priest gives him a meal and place to stay for the night, and Jean Valjean repays this kindness by stealing the silver and running away during the night. When caught by the police and returned to the priest, the priest denies the theft, offering a pair of silver candlesticks as well, saying the silver was a gift.
After the police leave, the priest talks to a confused Jean. "Remember this my brother. See in this some higher plan. You must use this precious silver to become an honest man.
Candlesticks.
Sometimes, what someone really needs is forgiveness and help.
Jean Valjean was an honorable man who was in a tough spot. He had gone to prison in the first place for stealing bread to feed a starving child. He was not someone who had robbed a bank or stolen jewelry to have an easier life for himself. At some point, even honorable people can break. Everyone makes mistakes. Without help, those mistakes can get worse and worse.
Candlesticks.
When someone's mistake hurts you, you have a choice to make. Does that mistake erase all the good the person has brought into your life, or does the good still outweigh the bad? Is this someone worth saving? Is the relationship worth saving?
As I write this, I think about two friends who have betrayed my trust in different ways. One told the truth about something which hurt because it broke a confidence. The second lied about something which could put me in physical danger.
Surprisingly, the first is the one I was the most harsh to. I quickly got angry. I completely lost my trust in that individual and the friendship suffered for it. That person went from the level of "fairly good friend and confidant" to "just slightly better than acquaintance".
The second, I understood and forgave the lie. I was more disappointed than hurt by the lie itself and never got truly angry about it. My feelings didn't change, and I still trust the person completely.
Why such a severe discrepancy? Possibly because of the levels the relationships started at. I don't know. I do know that maybe I wasn't entirely fair to the first friend. That friend's truth could have had severe consequences on multiple people's careers. My choice was to close a door, turn my back, and walk away. I think that may have been my mistake, and I will think about how to apologize and try to make up for that.
The second friend's lie could have had severe consequences on multiple people's health and safety. In the future, if the lie continued, it still could. Still, my choice is to help this friend. I didn't turn my back, even when it was expected.
Candlesticks.
Sometimes, forgiveness and caring are what is needed.
Forgiveness is precious silver. Use it wisely.
When someone makes one of those mistakes, you have a choice to make. You can be hurt. You can get mad. You can turn your back on that person, shunning them and removing them from your life. You can forgive them and help them through whatever it was that caused the mistake. You can teach them a better choice.
Candlesticks.
Near the beginning of the book/musical/movie Les Miserables, the main character, Jean Valjean, is in a very tight place. Recently released from prison, no one will hire him or give him a chance. A priest gives him a meal and place to stay for the night, and Jean Valjean repays this kindness by stealing the silver and running away during the night. When caught by the police and returned to the priest, the priest denies the theft, offering a pair of silver candlesticks as well, saying the silver was a gift.
After the police leave, the priest talks to a confused Jean. "Remember this my brother. See in this some higher plan. You must use this precious silver to become an honest man.
Candlesticks.
Sometimes, what someone really needs is forgiveness and help.
Jean Valjean was an honorable man who was in a tough spot. He had gone to prison in the first place for stealing bread to feed a starving child. He was not someone who had robbed a bank or stolen jewelry to have an easier life for himself. At some point, even honorable people can break. Everyone makes mistakes. Without help, those mistakes can get worse and worse.
Candlesticks.
When someone's mistake hurts you, you have a choice to make. Does that mistake erase all the good the person has brought into your life, or does the good still outweigh the bad? Is this someone worth saving? Is the relationship worth saving?
As I write this, I think about two friends who have betrayed my trust in different ways. One told the truth about something which hurt because it broke a confidence. The second lied about something which could put me in physical danger.
Surprisingly, the first is the one I was the most harsh to. I quickly got angry. I completely lost my trust in that individual and the friendship suffered for it. That person went from the level of "fairly good friend and confidant" to "just slightly better than acquaintance".
The second, I understood and forgave the lie. I was more disappointed than hurt by the lie itself and never got truly angry about it. My feelings didn't change, and I still trust the person completely.
Why such a severe discrepancy? Possibly because of the levels the relationships started at. I don't know. I do know that maybe I wasn't entirely fair to the first friend. That friend's truth could have had severe consequences on multiple people's careers. My choice was to close a door, turn my back, and walk away. I think that may have been my mistake, and I will think about how to apologize and try to make up for that.
The second friend's lie could have had severe consequences on multiple people's health and safety. In the future, if the lie continued, it still could. Still, my choice is to help this friend. I didn't turn my back, even when it was expected.
Candlesticks.
Sometimes, forgiveness and caring are what is needed.
Forgiveness is precious silver. Use it wisely.
Curious. This story, while not about your story on forgiving and friendship it came to mind as I read your story of the Candlesticks from which it came.
ReplyDeleteWhile having dinner with a friend just last night he told me of a knock at the door over 30 years ago where a fisherman right off the boat asked if he had any work for him to do. At first he said no, but gave the man a $20 bill and said "This is to keep you out of Jail tonight" and closed the door. A minute later he opened the door and called down the street "Can you help me trim a tree at my mothers house?" He agreed and together they drove across town to trim the tree.
Each year the fisherman came to his house, not to work, but to Thank Jack for the $20 well earned for the half day of some pretty heavy cutting on a tree long overdue for a "trim" for indeed it did keep this hungry man out of jail for just one night but several until a job was had for him.
Lessons come in all shapes and sizes from people you never expect. You my silver tongued daughter are a wise teacher, and the world would do well to listen.