Phoenix

I know several people have been concerned about me this week. While I still can't/won't give specifics on the details, I can give a basic explanation.

The short version is that a friend had a problem with my friendship with her husband. She doesn't want me speaking to either of them...so I lost both friends. Or, more accurately, I lost access both friends.

However, in the process...I found stronger friendships elsewhere. People I haven't talked to much in a while became invaluable support while I worked through how I felt. People I've only recently (in the last year) met, also came forward to offer their support...not knowing anything about what happened...just that I needed friends.

I also found strength in myself that I'd lost before, and settled more comfortably into my skin. I figured out more of who I am, and realized that I don't need to hide myself. I can either spend energy trying to hide who I am to keep myself "safe", or I can accept who I am, share it, and trust that the people who can't accept it are people I don't need around me anyway. I don't have to be liked by everyone. I have to be liked by myself.

I do like myself.

I'm more at peace with who I am than I think I've been in years.

I told Phil the other day that I felt like a Phoenix...glowing and bright and free. It just took going through the fire to find this feeling and this strength.

Now, the trick is to keep it. I don't think that's going to be a problem, though. I don't think this is another mask. I think this is what was under the masks, when they were burned away.