"A named thing is a tamed thing"

 There is a common theme in the older lore of several cultures that knowing a thing's name gives you power over it. In some places, that meant a baby's name wasn't spoken until it's Christening, when it was then firmly under God's protection. In some fae lore it leads to creatures being called my nicknames describing what they do, "Spoon-Licker" or "Skyr-Thief", instead of by a "true name".

A named thing is a tamed thing.

Fears can work like that, too. Naming them may not fully tame them, but it can at least help bring them into the light where they can be fought much more easily. 

So...what am I afraid of?

1) I'm afraid of being alone. 

I don't mean that I'm afraid of not having a partner, or that I'm scared being the only one in my house...I mean that I'm afraid of being alone, where there is no one to lean on when I'm weak, no one who actually knows me, and no one who cares if I'm ok or not.

There are times I can't deal with being around people. It feels like nails on a chalkboard to have people talk to me, or for me to have to engage and talk to them...but I still need to know that someone is there when I'm ready to come back out. Facebook helps a lot with that. While I sometimes worry that my posts seem like pleas for attention, they're not, quite. They are more a "I'm still here". I can do the same thing via instant messenger orvtextvwith some people. I don't need an actual conversation, just a "touch" or smile, to know that I'm not alone.

2) I'm afraid of being trapped. 

I'm afraid of being told I have to act/dress/be/think a certain way. I need to be able to be whoever I am at the time. I need to be able to explore things, at my pace, and decide whether or not I like them without other people's judgement getting in the way. 

3) I'm afraid of not being able to support my children and myself. I'm afraid of being dependent on someone else.

This might be two fears, or just one. They're so tightly mixed together that I can't tell. 

I'm afraid of selling myself short to keep a roof over our heads. I'm afraid of making choices that aren't the most healthy for me, because of the worry that the girls and I will end up homeless.

5) I'm afraid that the example I set for my girls isn't the one I want them to learn from.

I have very intelligent children, who are growing up to be strong women. I want them to learn that it's ok to not always be ok, and that sometimes things like housework will slide because self-care and a social life are important. I'm already glad, and sad, that they were able to point out yesterday that my leaving them home in the evenings so I can have a social life means that I'm happier and that we have a higher quality of time together.

I know there are more fears still to be named, but this is a good start.

A named thing is a tamed thing.