Fear

This morning, I started crying in bed, which seriously disturbed my husband. I told him the tears were a good thing, and he said "ok, but you're going to have to explain that one."

My hands hurt. The pain wasn't what made me cry, though, it was what the pain signified.



My right hand, the joint at the bottom of my thumb, specifically, has been sore for a while. I went to the doctor for it last week and was told that it was probably just overuse, and to stop using it for a while, take an anti-inflammatory, and go back to see him in a month if it wasn't better.

I'm right handed. Do you have any idea how hard it is to just NOT use your dominant hand?

He also suggested a hand brace, or ace bandage to impede the movement of my thumb...or at least remind me not to use it. Apparently, I wrapped it too tightly, or wrong, the first day, and now the pinky on that hand has a joint that pops every time I bend then extend it. (Really? I don't need this.)

So after a couple days of doing my damndest not to use my primary hand for more than I have to, my left hand is getting sore in the same thumb joint. (Seriously?!) I can't stop using BOTH hands!

Add to that...I had something pop weird in one of my big toes a couple days ago, and now if I step wrong on that toe I get a shooting pain, too. (I kinda think it's about the same joint as the ones in my thumbs.)

SERIOUSLY?! I feel like I am falling apart at the seams!

I'm calling the doc again tomorrow, because this can't just be overuse. There's got to be something else going on here. It's time to start looking at the whole of symptoms and connect the dots. Simply treating the symptoms isn't going to cut it this time.

Not being able to use my hands scares me. Everything I do...both the things I enjoy and the things I can make money at...requires my hands. I need manual dexterity and a certain amount of strength.

Cooking - not particularly easy on the hands...between cutting vegetables/meats and manipulating dough, not to mention stirring stews etc.

Sewing - not as hard on the hands, but not necessarily easy, either. It takes strength to wield the scissors, dexterity to pin fabric together, and if I'm doing embroidery that requires more being able to hold things properly while stitching.

Gardening - again, not easy on the hands. Digging into the soil with my fingers to search out the roots of the weeds takes finger strength. Managing larger plants takes more whole -hand strength and dexterity. Even just holding a watering can, or pitcher of water for my houseplants, hurts right now.

I know there has to be a way to fix this. I just hope the doctor will actually listen and help me figure out what it really is...or will send me to someone who can figure it out. Acknowledging that there is a problem is the first part, now I just need help to solve it.