Tuesday 6 August 2013

What I don't let you see

I'm tired, but don't want to go up to an empty bed alone.

I'm hungry, but don't want to eat. When I do make myself eat, it doesn't help and I'm still hungry.

My body is sore and achy - beyond anything reasonable for anything physical I've done lately.

My eyes are dry, but I can feel the place where the tears should be.

It isn't depression this time...at least not a clinical depression that would be fixed with meds. It's just loneliness, and missing my husband who is far away.

Here's the thing...if you see me at work, or at the store, or on the street...I'm probably smiling. If you ask me how I'm doing, I'll tell you I'm fine. I'll believe I really am fine.

At night, though...alone...when the kids are in bed and I don't have work to concentrate on...maybe I'm not actually fine.

I will be, though. I always am.

This is part of the choice I made when I married someone in the military.

3 comments:

  1. It is part of that choice, and there will always be people saying "You knew what he did/wanted to do when you married him." but whilst we can accept that choice, we'd be weird if we liked him being away.

    *hugs*

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  2. You are amazing and the end is in sight. Now pour a drink and turn on Gilmore Girls. ;-)

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  3. Going to an empty bed is never easy. I always stay up way later than I should when Joel is away, even if I know it'll only be for a week.

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