The calm before the storm

I grew up on the west coast, specifically in Southern California for my early years. Earthquakes don't bother me. High winds, however, do.

So, in the middle of moving to the east coast, the girls and I find ourselves in the path of Hurricane Sandy.

If we were already in the new house, with the woodstove that we're in the process of buying, then I wouldn't worry. With a woodstove, you have heat and can cook. In the new house, I'll be able to have provisions stocked in the freezer and pantry. In the rental, there's no wood stove, and I don't have so much as a camp stove for heating water. It's more than a little frustrating.

I have to admit that I was fairly scared when I first heard about the storm hitting here. I know there was a snowstorm last year, but snow didn't scare me. Wind, and losing power (and therefore water, heat, and the ability to cook) did scare me.

Then I started to think, and plan.

Water - we have milk jugs, juice jugs, bottles from water and gatorade. All of those are now filled with water, along with a jug I found outside with no lid, but it works for Daisy water. If we finish off the milk that's in the fridge, that carton will be filled with water, too. (Actually, I may pour the milk into a pitcher and fill the jug with water.) Talking to a friend this morning, it occurred to me that I can fill the bathtub with water to use for flushing the toilet, and she mentioned filling rubbermaid tubs as well. I happen to have one that we've been using for a laundry basket, so that will hold several more gallons.

Food - we have things to eat that don't require cooking. While having hot food is nice, it's not a requirement. I got lunchmeat and cheese, and extra bread at the store, and we have cereal, peanut butter, trail mix, crackers, and all sorts of other things in the cupboard. Not the store I usually would have, but enough that we won't starve. I bought a big bag of dog food not long ago, too, so Daisy's set.

Heat and light - Well, we have blankets, warm clothes (or pajamas) and can move people into smaller rooms to conserve heat. Becky would move into the room with her sisters, which has three beds, and then we'd only need to heat that one. There is daylight from windows, depending on the severity of the storm, and I bought a few candles yesterday. I couldn't necessarily find many, but I found enough to get us through a few days, with careful use. The benefit of candles, as opposed to battery powered lights, is that candles produce heat, too. It may not be a lot of heat, but a single candle in a small tent can help keep someone from freezing to death in a snowstorm. Candles seem friendlier, too. We used to light a tealight in the girls' room at night when they had nightmares, telling them that the candle would burn away the bad dreams. We do also have a couple flashlights.

Entertainment - while we might go stir-crazy a bit, we actually do have things to do. We have board games that everyone likes, and we have books, kindles, and ipods. We made sure everything was charged last night, and ipods can be recharged in the car if necessary. That gives us things to do, things to listen to, books to read, and three of the ipods double as kindles, even producing their own light, so we could all read even if it's dark.

So far, it's calm and grey this morning. No sign of the storm yet, and if I hadn't been hearing about it on the news, I wouldn't know it was coming. Good. I'll have time to go to the laundromat and do laundry, giving us a few more days of clothes if necessary. I'll start stew cooking in the crock-pot, so even if we lose power later, we'll have a good, hearty, warm (or hot, depending on timing) supper.

We're ready. We can do this.

Life's not about surviving the storm; it's learning to dance in the rain.

Let's dance!

Missing my "Muchness"

A few weeks ago, I watched the Tim Burton version of "Alice in Wonderland". At one point in the movie, the Mad Hatter looks at Alice and says "You used to be much more...'muchier.' You've lost your muchness". That struck a cord. I looked at the friend who was watching the movie with me and said "That's the problem; I've lost my muchness!" To which he replies "Yes, you have."

I don't know what happened, but I want it back.

Once upon a time, I was a princess in a magical flower land called the Morning Glory Realm. Trolls took over the royal palace and my fellow princess and I had to take up residence in a fort in the staghorn wood instead.

Once upon a time, I taught scared children to imagine a glowing bubble around them that monsters couldn't get through.

Once upon a time, I saw the possibilities before the problems.

Once upon a time, my willpower was enough to keep bad weather at bay.

Once upon a time, I had an inner glow that would come out when I talked to people or did things. Talking about fairy tales, or having a good debate, or dancing...I could feel the light inside shining out through my eyes.

Once upon a time...

I don't know what happened, or where the muchness went. If I don't know where it is, I don't know how to get it back. I want it back. I don't like feeling like I'm just going through the motions of everyday life; doing things because they have to be done, not because I want to do them. It gets to the point that even doing things that should be fun feels like I'm doing them just because I'm supposed to.

Part of this...not all of it, because it's been going on for a while...I think is linked to the fact that I'm past ready to have a home again. I hate sitting in limbo, and I've been in limbo for almost a year now. I want the purchase of the home to go smoothly and quickly, so I can start painting and making it my house..my home.  I want my pots, pans, and utensils in my kitchen so I can cook properly again.

I want to be able to invite people over to get to know them. I want to be able to make friends again...and I don't really feel like I can do that, mostly, without having someplace to invite people back to. I want to be able to stop feeling like everything is just temporary.

I want a creative outlet again. Maybe that's another part of the problem. With nowhere to channel any creative energy, the energy just gets stifled and dies off. Right now the closest I have to an outlet at all is planning paint colors for the house. That's still limbo, though...and I can't actually do anything with that for another several weeks, at least.

Maybe another part of this is that I can't see myself accomplishing anything right now. Life is a fairly constant circle of getting children to and from school, making sure the dog gets out often enough, getting everyone fed, etc. then just doing it all again the next day. I don't have anything that I can point to and say "I did that". Painting the house, when we get into it, will be a quantifiable accomplishment. It'll be something I can look at and see progress.

I've had ideas for some embroidery projects lately. Maybe I just need to go ahead and buy the materials to do them, simply to be able to see something done. Even if the things I'm embroidering aren't useful in themselves, hopefully just doing them will help.

I want my muchness back. I've seen hints of possibilities in some of the people I've met here...hints of a muchness-nurturing environment. Friends are important for that, you see...at least for me. It's important to have people around who aren't scared off by muchness. Maybe that's why Alice found it easier to find her muchness in Wonderland (Underland?), with the Mad Hatter than she did in Victorian England.

There's a Mad Hatter here somewhere. Maybe I just need a tea party in a Wonderland house to draw him out, find six impossible things to believe before breakfast, and find my muchness again.